Forgive me for lack of updates. I think with everything feeling so surreal I’ve just had a hard time believing it. To catch up:

Our ultrasound at 6 weeks was the exact opposite of the others I’ve had. I was nervous as hell, of course. I tripped while I was undressing, then accidentally ripped the paper dress in half. My husband was laughing at what a mess I was, but he grabbed me a new paper dress and held my hand. He watched the screen when the tech started up the ultrasound, while I refused to look and stared at the ceiling, tears beading up in my eyes and holding my breath.

When the tech yelled out “Yesssssss!!!!,” I finally gathered the courage to look. There, on the black and white screen, was a tiny little dot with a flickering heart beat. It was exactly what I had believed I would never see. And it was there.

The tech shed tears, she brought our RE in the room and I caught her wiping a tear from her eye as well. It was nice to see that other people were invested in our journey. ❤ We were sent on our way with printouts of our little embryo.

I spent the next 2 weeks worrying, because even though we’d passed our big milestone…I just know too much about what could still go wrong. I went back in at 8 weeks for another ultrasound, and this time my husband couldn’t come with me. I had another tech this time, one who had clearly prepped for my case because she completely understood why I was so nervous. She was awesome, and when I wouldn’t look at the screen she immediately told me the heartbeat was 163. I couldn’t believe it! She spent a long time pointing out baby’s arm and leg buds and explaining to me that the yolk sac looked great and she saw no indicators of chromosomal defects there. She printed out a ton of shots for me.

Then my RE released me to my new OB, and that’s that! Except that I still have just under 2 weeks until that appointment, when I will be 11w2d. It’s amazing how a good ultrasound can reassure you…for a day or two. And then PgAL brain starts creeping back in to convince you that something must surely have gone wrong since then. I’m trying to keep a brave face until then, and I ave procured a Doppler which I hope to start using regularly next week to calm my brain. Calm thoughts and deep breaths…


4 thoughts on “9w3d

  1. So happy to hear all is well! Those first few months/appointments are just tough with PgAL brain, hell, I still have my moments, but slowly it does start getting a little easier. You stop holding your breath as much and slowly transition from “if” to “when.” Hugs momma!

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